Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
