I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
