I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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