I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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