I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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