So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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