You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
