When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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