Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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