what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
