So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
