You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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