You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
