I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
