"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
