I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
