Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
