plz talk dirty to me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
