And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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