I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
