i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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