yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
