I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
