dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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