you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
