Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How does one acquire holy water?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
