one two three fourrrrnication!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
