Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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