Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
