Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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