The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
