Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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