You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
