soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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