I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
