I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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