Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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