I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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