I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
