Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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