They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
