She is in my trunk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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