Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
