Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
