Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
