he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
