office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
