I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
