my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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