she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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