OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My life is pants optional.
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