When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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