My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
