there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
