you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
