i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
