I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
