so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she told me i tasted like america
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
