Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
