I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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